Area woman extremely proud on Facebook that she works out, exists

Tampa -- A local IT specialist has proven to both friends and strangers alike, via the Internet, that she loves to work out and especially loves to talk about it, while also providing a disturbing trend of reminding the world she does indeed exist.

Michelle Lammom, 26, frequently regales friends about her workout habits via the social networking site Facebook, often posting at least one to two "status updates" per day featuring announcements like "Wow, I worked out hard today" and "Today's workout was rough, the guys at the clubs better notice these results."

"If I'm going to work my ass off in the gym, I at least want someone to know since I mostly workout to impress my guy friends," Lammom said. "Someday, one of them will realize how I really feel about them, and when that happens I want them to know how much I work out, you know?"

A quick look at Ms. Lammom's Facebook posting habits reveal that while workout posts are a dominant theme, they can sometimes be overshadowed by frequent announcements about her dinner plans (often alone) or even just sharing overall feelings of boredom with the world.

"I feel it's important that my Facebook friends know exactly what I'm doing at any given point, whether it's eating fast food, working out for the boys or just crying in the corner in a fetal position while fantasizing about sexy little hobbits with fabulous rings," said Lammom. " I mean, that's pretty much the whole point of Facebook, right?"

Some, however, would beg to differ on the idea that Facebook posts exist merely to prove as a reminder of one's existence.

"I'm really worried about her," said John Otiston, a local friend. "Most people talk about interesting things they've done or seen, or at least their damn virtual farms and shit. I mean, working out and masturbating to hobbits? Who gives a shit, right?"

Who gives a shit indeed, at least according to a recent Gallup poll that is. The poll shows that 82 percent of straight Americans do not want to hear more than two updates a week regarding a friend's workout habits.

Interestingly enough though, out of the homosexuals that participated in the poll, 66 percent said they like to hear about their friends' workout activity and a stunning 93 percents like to frequently post about their workout schedules.

MLB Commish: 'Fuck it,' 2009 postseason over

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Redemption for KFC after the EPIC FAIL that was their new grilled chicken...

Redemption. Kentucky Fried Chicken has redeemed itself following the genital numbing folly that was its “grilled chicken” the only way it possibly could have – through introducing a new product that can one could describe as a mouth orgasm that while arousing your taste buds may at the same time be gently easing your heart to sleep.

Kentucky Fried Chicken, rightfully so, has thrown their bandwagon attempt at a healthy makeover out the window and is currently test marketing a sandwich that is like a silver bullet straight to the heart (in more ways than one) - the Double Down.

It is made up of bacon, two kinds of cheese and a special mystery “colonel’s sauce” that’s delicious and a little tangy… the kicker though is that instead of bread, those ingredients are put between two original recipe boneless fried chicken breasts. You did not misread that. KFC has inched ever closer to the perfect “sandwich.” By removing the bread, which has historically been the flavorless Achilles’ heel of any sandwich, KFC has helped moved man further up the evolutionary ladder. As a bonus, you can easily get a side of gravy for dipping, which just adds to the amazingness.

That's right... I got a side of gravy for dippin',
I went there. I figure it couldn't make it much
worse healthwise anyway, right?

The Double Down is currently in the test marketing stage and only available in Providence, R.I., and Omaha, Neb. Luckily, Providence is a mere few hours away from here in New York…

After the shameful debacle that was the new grilled chicken at KFC, I had to combat the crisis in faith that followed. The Double Down was the sexy, scantily clad angel that came down and woke me up from my crisis with a juicy delicious artery hardening masterpiece… a hot, greasy, juicy angel with cheese, bacon and eleven herbs and spices.

Hopefully, the Double Down will make it out of the test markets and into the KFC’s nationwide… though there are some naysayers who have problems with the Double Down, since it is basically an artery clogging monster of a meal… but nobody’s forcing folks to eat them, right?

The only problems that could foreseeably hinder the nationwide onslaught of Double Downs causing mouth orgasms all around might be that A: They seemed a little too complex for the employees to keep up with making them B: they are extremely hot and burn the fingers (even through the paper thing they come in to hold them) and C: while making them amazing, they chicken breasts are incredibly juicy and tend to squirt scalding juicy goodness in random directions, which can be hazardous.

That being said, hopefully it gets its day and the world can know the tasty bliss that I got to know in Rhode Island this weekend.

KFC's new grilled chicken? EPIC FAIL

Epic Fail

I tried KFC's new grilled chicken and it is with a heavy heart that I must report the blandness and overall lameness of KFC's newest endeavor. They have spent an exorbitant amount of money promoting this new product, but perhaps they should spent some of that cash giving the new product some flavor.

For whatever reason, as I understood it, I thought the new grilled chicken was supposed to have a taste somewhat similar to and based on the same amazing flavors as the colonel's original recipe - just without a delicious fried skin. Unfortunately the new grilled chicken did not have the amazingly woven tapestry of sometimes even described as "arousing" flavors as original recipe chicken... in fact, it had no flavor. Col. Sanders is probably rolling over in his grave in Louisville. Even if its taste not supposed to have any relation to the 11 herbs and spices, they should have attempted to give it some kind of flavor.

Words can't describe the numbing disappointment at biting into the grilled chicken breast and tasting... nothing. In the flavor department, it was almost like a chicken breast from the supermarket that was casually thrown on a backyard grill with no preparation or even the most minimal thought. I will say it was juicy, which goes in the plus column... but that's about all that can legitimately go in that column... a lonely and shame filled column indeed.

The even greater concern is the rumblings that corporate KFC plans to rebrand the companies image to reflect fried and grilled chicken as on the same footing in an attempt to cater to the yuppie crowd that prefers the flavorless to the delicious...

KF&GC? That sounds like something out of the Book of Revelations if you ask me.

Those who know me best know that I have a profound, even oft considered disturbing, passion for Kentucky Fried Chicken and its lore. That is why it pains me to pan their newest product, especially when they seem to have spent so much time and treasure trying to promote its virtues.

Please, don't make my mistake and indulge in an entire meal's worth of KFC's grilled chicken, lest you be resigned to an incomparable disappointment so profound that you may not even be able to perform in the bedroom for a time due to the extreme sadness that is bound to follow. Yes, the new grilled chicken was such a tremendous emotional let down that I'm implying it could in extreme cases lead to temporary impotence.

Perhaps I'll have to add a tear rolling down the Colonel's face to this piece
of artwork decorating my apartment.

Some real quick random things... (a.k.a. bullets of course)

Some real quick random recent things...

* This morning the subway wasn't running at my stop, so I had to take a bus part of the way, and then catch my train a few stops down. The reason? Apparently my station was on fire. I walked the ramp to see it filled with firefighters and smelling of burning industrial nastiness. I could barely breathe waiting for the elevator up to where the buses were, so that was an interesting start to the day. It actually still smelled faintly of burning rust and garbage when I got home, which is spectacular, right?

* When I did eventually get off the train by the office, some old guy was dressed like a beatnik and singing on the street corner. The catch? He was singing "Like a Prayer" by Madonna, just rocking out with no music or instruments. It was... odd... to say the least.

* The other day, I was passing by Madison Square Garden and I noticed a few more hippies than usual and I thought to myself "hmmm, I wonder if there's like a Grateful Dead concert or something..." Sure enough, when I turned the corner toward the main entrance, I was confronted by first a tremendously powerful whiff of BO followed immediately by the sight of hundreds (if not thousands) of hippies all massing in front of the arena. There was indeed a Grateful Dead concert.

* Sooo, in one of the odder things my mother has said (and that's saying something)... my mom
called me the other day to let me know that she was going to host what she is dubbing an "eHarmony party" for me. Jiggawha?

Apparently, that means she is going to invite over friends and family of mine who still live in Florida and they are going to pool their knowledge about me to create a profile for me to put on eHarmony. I explained to her how eHarmony bases matches on an in depth profile created through answering like hundreds of personal questions about values, experiences and goals... she basically casually said that shouldn't be problem.

She promised they wouldn't start drinking heavily until the questionnaire was over. Well, that's somewhat comforting, I suppose.

Well, never dull moment, right?

'Maybe it just collapsed on its own'... apparently in this case it did

I don't know if it made the news outside of the city or not (a lot of times it's hard to tell) but a building just up and collapsed this morning in lower Manhattan. It just so happens it was about a block from my office.

In fact, the dozens of fire trucks, police cars and mobile command units that were in the area were between my subway stop and the office on the way to work... and of course were all kinds of in the way, hehe. They had vehicles lining the nearby streets for blocks. Later in the day when I left work, they still had blocked off both the street the building was on and the one behind it to all cars and people.

I'm going to assume a lot of people weren't exactly stunned, since the building was on the same block as the locally famous "Leaning Tower of Broadway," probably less than a couple hundred feet away.

From Flickr (the photostream has some cool shots of the new Mets stadium to boot)

Basically, a while ago they demolished the building next to the "Leaning Tower" and it started easing over (to the South) and they had to put up supports to keep it from falling over. That really builds confidence in the nearby buildings that are of a similar ilk, right? I guess they're worried about the same thing happening near where the other building collapsed and some are reporting that they may have to demolish some of the buildings that were next to the collapsed building for just that reason. Keep in mind a lot of the buildings in the area are designated "historic landmarks," including the one that fell, so that should be interesting...

What's a bummer is there was a pizza place in there that had just opened when the building started leaning over and was condemned... their "Grand Opening" sign is still in the window on the side. That really must have sucked for them...

Who knows, maybe the 59th Street Bridge (also known as the Queensboro Bridge I think) over by the UN building will be next...

• Hank Scorpio: Good afternoon, gentlemen. This is Scorpio. I have the doomsday device. You have 72 hours to deliver the gold. Or you face the consequences. And to prove I'm not bluffing, watch this... (explosion in the background)
  
• UN member #1: Oh, my God! The 59th Street Bridge!
• UN member #2: Maybe it just collapsed on its own.
• UN member #1: We can't take that chance.
• UN member #2: You always say that. I want to take a chance!
• Hank Scorpio: Collapsed on its own? You sh... You have 72 hours. See ya.
  

Someone quite literally "got served" on the train the other night....

So the other night I had a long ride home on the subway. It was late enough that the train was running local... and these three teens were on the train practicing their tap dancing in their regular hard-soled shoes.

They were classically trained and likely had been tapping and dancing for years. So they were discussing timing and beat counts and such while tapping, when this big guy halfway down the car starts kind of mocking them.

He sarcastically started slowly step dancing, with the stomping and the clapping while his crew started cracking up. Keep in mind this was a fairly full train, including a group of girls that the tappers are went to school with...

The girls happened to be near the big guy mocking and a couple of the tappers went to go talk to the girls....

Then the jawing started, with trash talk being exchanged and it eventually escalated into the big guy joking that they were just loud and couldn't dance. From where he was on the train, he probably could only hear a bunch of tapping (possibly sounding like clapping).

One of the tappers started yelling things like "Oh hell to the no, do you really want to do this? Do you really want some of this? I don't want to have to take you to school!"

I was cracking up. It was like something out of a cheesy movie.

So the kid keeps yelling and the big guy keeps taunting.

Eventually, the kid was just like "Ohhhhh... I didn'a wanna do this, but you gone and made me do this!" over and over while he literally took off his normal shoes and put on his tap shoes with the metal parts.

He then proceeded to tap his little heart out down the middle of the train, right up to the big guy and then he started tapping just solely on his toes right in front of the guy essentially playing like a revolutionary war fife tune.

The show this kid put on was something like this video (where his style was more like the second tapper in the video)... and it was on a moving subway train!



Then he of course kept talking trash after the train applauded.

"I didn'a wanna do it! I didn'a wanna! I had to to though, you just got busted and you know it! Ohhhhh!"

It was pretty entertaining. I just wish he had actually yelled "you got served"... but oh well. I probably would have laughed until I peed if he actually said that. Either way it was still pretty neat.