It's been a real long while so here are some post-Christmas bullets

Well, as per usual, I've been a lazy bum when it comes to posting.

I spent two awesome weeks in Florida and have been back in the city for a week now... which means it's time for bullets! Hooray...

* Florida was a blast. I got to see a lot of family and friends and do a lot of catching up... and I got some good D-Rays stuff to bring back to the city.

* Myself, my brother/sister, Lisa and Emacy played the third annual Hangover Cup (our traditional New Year's Day golf tournament.) Sadly, my brother won... because she's been taking lessons! That's so not fair and we're considering officially disqualifying him/her in the future so we'll see what happens with that.

I would have come in second, except I had a Phil Mickelsonesque collapse on the last hole that turned a four into a 9 giving Emacy a one stroke lead over me at the end of the day. I was like 20 feet from the green (it was on a little hill) and for whatever reason it took me like four tries with my wedge to get onto the green. It was fugly and I think Emacy may have peed himself he was laughing so hard.

Lisa came in fourth, despite being tied for the lead after the front nine with like a 63... he shot like a 78 on the back nine, we're all still a little confused...

* I'm officially addicted to "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia." I watched copious amounts with Emacy down in Florida and I've been watching it kind of non-stop since.

Here's a few fun clips...

When the gang makes a band and is a little weirded out by Charlie's lyrics:



Sweet Dee's trip to the shoe store:



Some of the fun from when the gang has to coach basketball as community service:



Anywho...

* It was in the 70's and 80's for most of the time while I was there... It was actually like 85 degrees when I flew out of Tampa. New York, however, was in the 40's. My coworker told me that on Thursday it may go below zero here (for the first time here since 1994...)

* I'm also addicted to a weird little MC Frontalot song I heard when I was hanging out with a friend at NYU after I got back...



The same day I heard that song we went to Brooklyn to see this free variety/comedy show which was pretty fun. The funniest part was the last comedian, Baron Vaughn.

Here's a random clip from a different show of his...



* After the show, we wandered over the the Trash Bar, with the free tater tots... which is always awesome.

* The other night I headed over to Revival and learned that science can be fun. One of the regulars taught everyone how to shotgun beer straight from the bottle in seconds. The trick is to stick a straw in with a bend at the end, and to seal your lips around the mouth of the bottle and have the end of the straw sticking out. Then as you chug, the air that goes into the straw and pushes the beer out allowing you to drink the whole bottle in about two or three seconds once you get good. So that made for an interesting evening to say the least. He said he learned it from some homeless drug addict, which tells me it might not be something to make a habit of, hmm...

* So last night I went with my roommate to a fancy night club in midtown near Times Square called Opera. A friend of hers got us on the VIP list so we skipped the line and didn't pay the cover, which was cool. Though we didn't wait in line, we still had to empty the pockets and get full pat down once inside, seriously full. I was thinking the guy owed me at least breakfast or something after he was finished. As for the free cover, the money saved went straight to the drinks though... $11 cocktails plus an automatic $2.50 tip on top = ouch at the end of the night, seriously. The people we met there were cool and I even got to shake my groove thing for a while on the floor.

I didn't spend the whole night on the dance floor though because I didn't want to show up the other dudes in the club and make them jealous, especially when I was doing the Margaret Thatcher a la MC Frontalot.

Oddly enough I didn't bump into a group of girls there like these ones from Sunny...



* Also, it snowed about half a foot yesterday, so that's fun.

I'm sure I missed a lot of things because I'm a bad person, but that should essentially catch things up since I'm so awful about updating.

P.S. Happy New Year!

Apparently, the MTA wants my opinion...

Earlier this week on the way to work, a Metropolitan Transit Authority worker handed me an official MTA report card to fill out regarding the A train.

They asked all kinds of fun questions about things like delays, cleanliness and security and you rate them from unsatisfactory to excellent.


Apparently you can fill it out online like pictured above, but I filled out my paper one and mailed it (pre-paid postage) to the MTA folks... though the actual mailing address was some contractor/consultant in Maryland, since apparently New York City and state have nobody who can analyze surveys.

I'm sure some school, and we have plenty around here, would love to analyze the info for the MTA at a rock bottom price. I wonder how much they're paying for the surveys to be analyzed in Maryland, especially since the MTA is apparently beyond broke (facing a 2009 budget deficit of around $1.2 billion). It looks like they're going to be raising fares, making a lot of service cuts and adding some new tolls and such in the near future. Awesome...

As for the survey, it conveniently avoided any of the topics that are the biggest issues with the A train, like constant service changes and disruptions on the weekend and unreliability late at night.

Seriously, nearly every weekend the line is always whacked out, especially seemingly always having to take a shuttle bus instead of the train for part of the route (and the buses rarely show up). One time, we had been waiting a good while (and some angry other people had already been waiting a while when we got there) at the stop near my apartment, and the shuttle bus stopped a little before us and the driver got a hot dog from a vendor and just chilled there... 15 minutes later another shuttle bus came and stopped at the same hot dog vendor and had a little pow-wow with the other driver. The second bus eventually came and picked us up. It was a special kind of ridiculous.

The paper version of the survey was obviously not going through a scantron or anything, so I made sure to write my thoughts, in depth, on those issues in any white space I could find on the form... who knows, maybe I'll go ahead and write a letter about them to the MTA folks. Customer letters are always fun.

Also, one of the recent news stories around here is like a little taste of home - a teacher allegedly slept with her student somewhere in Jersey.

I know that teacher-student sex scandals happen everywhere (heck, I covered part of the trial for one that happened in a town of like 2,000), but the Tampa Bay area does seem to have more than its fair share. The Tampa Tribune has a fun little special section on the issue... though sadly I'm sure there are many, many incidents not listed...


We're just proud as punch...

And for the heck of it... some Overheard in New York from the A train:

Chick #1: What is your middle name?
Chick #2: I don't want to tell you.
Chick #1: Why won't you tell me what your middle name is? I showed you a picture of me naked!
Chick #2: That is so not the same. Your naked picture is on the Internet. Anyone can see it!
Mid-30s guy two seats away: I'm sorry, but what's the address of that website?

--A train

Conductor: This is West Fourth Street. Transfer is available to the A, C, E, F, and V trains.
Four-year-old girl: Mommy, he doesn't sing his ABCs right.
Mom: That's because he didn't go to college.

--A train

Open House, Bollywood, knocked up and well-hung bulls?

So... it's not looking like the open house this Saturday will be in too much danger of being overcrowded to say the least. Oh well, I can't say I'm too surprised though.

I went door to door and knocked on the doors on my floor, the floor above me and the floor below me... which people have told me I'm crazy for doing, but oh well. "You can't do that in New York," "It's not a dorm," and similar assertions have come up in conversation, often.

I'm pretty sure most people thought I was trying to sell them something (possibly wacky weed?) and ignored me. The very few people who did answer the door were actually pretty nice, but most said they probably wouldn't be able to come by.

The realtor in the leasing office said she might swing by... but she likely has to at least say that as part of her job description. (That's right, I mentioned it to her when I paid my rent.)

There were a couple of people who seemed pretty cool and sounded like they may swing by... so we'll see.

One person asked if I was the apartment who's always throwing parties on our floor... so that means I'll definitely have to find that apartment at some point.

Either way it will be fun. Lisa will be here, and a few other people I happen to know in the city may swing by, so no matter what we'll have a good time breaking in the apartment...

Much to the chagrin of my future-cop friend, I left a little mini-flier on my floor (which has about six rooms)... he thinks I'm going to get killed. I guess if he's right, I owe him a coke.

Also, I forgot to write in my last post about a debate from this past not-so-sobertastic weekend... How many people have really read Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen?

My buddy from Philly, we'll call him, ummm... either Filly or Thanatos (I'll let him decide), says that everybody has read the book. I told him he was crazy, since the book is old and smelly. Plus, I noted that I hadn't read the book, but apparently I don't fall into the "everybody" category since I'm either too cool or I'm an avid non-reader... something like that.

So I decided to punch a hole is in feeble theory through an impromptu drunken text-message survey... I won and now he totally owes me a KFC dinner. Mmmm...

Though, out of curiosity, I'm going to put a poll here and see if more than just one in a million people have actually read the entire book. Remember, watching the movie doesn't count - not even the Bollywood version - which, of course, is a musical in case you didn't know.

That's the only version I've ever seen, not entirely of my own will. Though it is where I found my absolute favorite Bollywood song ever!



This song is actually on my iTunes and frequently appears on my iPod... it's just so fun to sing along with the refrain. I'll have to put learning the dance they do onto my "to-do list."

So also, my friend from Alabama totally got knocked up... but it was by her husband of several years, so it's not too off-the-wall I suppose.

They're starting to get a nursery ready, and I suggested they consider a mural similar to the one they painted in Carla and Turk's nursery on Scrubs...



Anywho, they are both great and I'm totally happy for them. They even started a blog, which I've added to my "blogroll" to the right.

File this one under totally random... apparently the high school I went to spent $8,000 to put a giant, anatomically-correct (read: well hung) bronze bull in front of the school a while ago, and apparently someone just bajanked it.

Sidenote: I've always used the term "bajank" as a synonym for stealing... but according to www.UrbanDictionary.com, its definition is "The act of intercourse with a girl who is loose, and odorous." I guess we all learn something new everyday. I like how for the word "bajanked" to be appropriate, the girl in question needs to have been "odorous." I guess that's to prevent any confusion.

So, back to the bull, they're saying it could have either been pranksters from another school, or scrappers looking to make money by junking the bronze.

Sadly, I'd bet a KFC dinner that ish is headed for a scrapyard, if it's not already at one.

Well, whether folks show up or not, the apartment is really starting to look clean and orderly. I've got most everything put away somewhere... except for about 25 or 30 bottles of booze I still haven't found a home for. Too much booze? Crazy talk! I'll figure somewhere out, even if I have to arrange them on the floor stylishly lined up against the wall of the living room or something. I'll figure it out.

Back in the city after a super fun cruise... in my very empty apartment...

So I've got lots of random things to write about from the past week and a half, but I'll probably keep each thing fairly brief since my head is kind of all over the place today... but here goes...

So I did eventually got back to my apartment in Washington Heights which is a plus. It just involved the AirTrain, subway and a shuttle bus because the tracks were being repaired (it took me a while to figure that one out) The train stopped before my stop and I was just sitting there listening to my iPod and the conductor had to yell at me to get me off.

How was I supposed to know they were arbitrarily going to stop four stops earlier than every other day... the signs plastered everywhere on the train and in the stations? Psh, please... reading is for the weak.

When I got home, the apartment was just like I left it. Barren. It has a nice echo though, and you can't beat the interior decorating... the fresh coat of white paint on all the walls and doors goes quite well with the white/slightly off-white linoleum floors.

It has electricity and water and the stuff I had in my car when I was in Maryland and the Pentagon... so mainly just clothes and toiletries essentially... and whatever useless junk I decided I needed that took like, two years to unpack out of my car two weeks ago when I first moved in a couple weeks ago.

So I have made a lovely bed on my linoleum floor made out of my winter clothes... it's not terribly comfortable, but the price is right. I talked with the movers this afternoon and they said the soonest they could get me my stuff was Saturday, and I said sign me the hell up. My butt can't roll with the hard floor too much longer. I think my tailbone is bruised, but I maintain that is from my buddy's Irish Pub birthday bash Saturday night in Tampa (in the wee night hours between getting in from the cruise and flying out to JFK)... possibly more on that later...

The lack of a bed? I can roll with that... there are a few other things lacking that I'm kind of having to work around... like a shower curtain (I made kind of a wet mess in the bathroom this morning to say the least), or any kind of curtains or blinds for that matter. Every room has a window, and nothing covering them. I am pretty sure I mistakenly showed everyone on Broadway the goods this morning.

The only place not visible to the outside at the moment is the bathroom and in the hallway between the two bedrooms, if I close their doors. That's what I'm using as my makeshift bedroom at the moment.

I'll have cable and internet come Thursday, so that's a plus. I'm actually still at the office trolling things like Facebook and updating this to keep myself distracted.

Oh yeah, and apartments in the city rarely come with air conditioning, mine included. Normally I would just open the windows, but along with having no curtains or blinds, they also have no screen to obstruct the view of me getting dressed or to keep bugs out.

I know where to get screens though, so that shouldn't be a problem... they were just closed Sunday.

So that's essentially the apartment situation in a nutshell barren bomb shelter for the moment, lush with cable, internet and household goods Saturday... things are starting to come together...

So the cruise was a blast to say the least. Along with my buddy from Philly who I roomed with, there was more than 20 or so family and friends on board. I love my family, we do our best to always have a good time and this trip was no exception.

While there are of course plenty of ridiculous stories, I'll just throw a few fun ones in...

The main one that will likely haunt me for the rest of my days is my chance to be an Elvis impersonator in front of probably somewhere between 500 and 1,000 cruisegoers.

It started innocently enough with showing up drunk to karoake... which is nothing unusual, right? Somehow I ended up winning, by default an Elvis karaoke competition. The real winner quit... because he was much, much smarter than me.

Basically, a cute girl said I should sing an Elvis song, and logically I thought to myself, that sounds like a great idea, not realizing at all what I was getting into.

Next thing I know, I wake up the next morning with a plastic bag by my bed... and my first thoughts when I saw it were "What the hell is that?"

What it was, was the bag they gave me after I won the Elvis competition with a little iPod thing in it with big headphones (I had to return the iPod thing and headphones) and very detailed instructions for my role in the final production of the cruise.

Jiggawha?

The instructions said I was to learn the song on the music player (a medley of Jailhouse Rock and Hounddog) and be ready to perform it on stage during the final production of the cruise with the orchestra playing and dancers... without lyrics on a monitor. It was part of a show where they trick about nine other drunks into playing "Legends" in their final show, including folks like Britney Spears, James Brown, Frank Sinatra, etc...

I got to wear a white studded jumpsuit, an Elvis whig and some pimptacular sunglasses and perform (hammered of course).

The important thing is that it's over and... well, that's about all that counts.

Actually it was pretty fun, but also very strange to say the least.

Sidenote... after I "won" the Elvis Karaoke competition, I was at the ship's dance club called, no joke, "White Heat" and this cougar starts kind of dancing with me and hitting on me saying she liked my singing of Elvis. We started talking and when she came to the gripping realization that I was born long after Elvis died she said she was too old for me... to which I looked straight at her and drunkenly responded in a very confident-meets-sleazy-70's-swinger kind of tone "Well... I beg to differ." (remember, I was drunk enough that night to enter an Elvis karaoke competition) That conversation didn't last too much longer, but at least she got a good laugh.

Also, if anyone tells you anything about me in a topless dancing competition, just remember they're full of lies.

Actually, unfortunately, the above sentence is a lie... my uncle roped me into a hairy chest/dance like an idiot competition one afternoon, which was pretty bad.

I was eliminated after the pole dancing competition in the second round.

The best part about the hairy chest competition of course was that they videotaped it, and made a little montage music video of it and looped it on one of the closed circuit channels in all the cabins (along with some other events), clearly to make sure there was no escaping the eternal shame. They also sold DVDs of their montages of events from the week... unfortunately between that and Elvis, I won't ever be running for office.

I'm also a little worried about what kind of photos from the week will be ending up on Facebook, hmmm...

Oh yeah, the Irish Pub party I mentioned earlier was hellafun to say the least. You know it is going to be an interesting night when the DD pulls up to pick up the last person (the birthday boy as it were) and he has a round of triple shots of Irish Whiskey already set up and ready to be downed.

I don't remember too many specifics, but it would not surprise me if I fell on my tailbone at some point during the evening...

Well, I guess that's it for now... As you can tell I try to keep things boring...

I'll try to post again once I get the Internet going on in my apartment.