Sunday, August 30, 2009

Redemption for KFC after the EPIC FAIL that was their new grilled chicken...

Redemption. Kentucky Fried Chicken has redeemed itself following the genital numbing folly that was its “grilled chicken” the only way it possibly could have – through introducing a new product that can one could describe as a mouth orgasm that while arousing your taste buds may at the same time be gently easing your heart to sleep.

Kentucky Fried Chicken, rightfully so, has thrown their bandwagon attempt at a healthy makeover out the window and is currently test marketing a sandwich that is like a silver bullet straight to the heart (in more ways than one) - the Double Down.

It is made up of bacon, two kinds of cheese and a special mystery “colonel’s sauce” that’s delicious and a little tangy… the kicker though is that instead of bread, those ingredients are put between two original recipe boneless fried chicken breasts. You did not misread that. KFC has inched ever closer to the perfect “sandwich.” By removing the bread, which has historically been the flavorless Achilles’ heel of any sandwich, KFC has helped moved man further up the evolutionary ladder. As a bonus, you can easily get a side of gravy for dipping, which just adds to the amazingness.

That's right... I got a side of gravy for dippin',
I went there. I figure it couldn't make it much
worse healthwise anyway, right?

The Double Down is currently in the test marketing stage and only available in Providence, R.I., and Omaha, Neb. Luckily, Providence is a mere few hours away from here in New York…

After the shameful debacle that was the new grilled chicken at KFC, I had to combat the crisis in faith that followed. The Double Down was the sexy, scantily clad angel that came down and woke me up from my crisis with a juicy delicious artery hardening masterpiece… a hot, greasy, juicy angel with cheese, bacon and eleven herbs and spices.

Hopefully, the Double Down will make it out of the test markets and into the KFC’s nationwide… though there are some naysayers who have problems with the Double Down, since it is basically an artery clogging monster of a meal… but nobody’s forcing folks to eat them, right?

The only problems that could foreseeably hinder the nationwide onslaught of Double Downs causing mouth orgasms all around might be that A: They seemed a little too complex for the employees to keep up with making them B: they are extremely hot and burn the fingers (even through the paper thing they come in to hold them) and C: while making them amazing, they chicken breasts are incredibly juicy and tend to squirt scalding juicy goodness in random directions, which can be hazardous.

That being said, hopefully it gets its day and the world can know the tasty bliss that I got to know in Rhode Island this weekend.


sr said...

so funny. the only thing better would be to have two down syndrome people advertising how delicious it is...

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