Sunday, October 18, 2009

MLB Commish: 'Fuck it,' 2009 postseason over

MILWAUKEE -- In a shocking and unprecedented move, Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig called a surprise news conference at his home here to announce the cancellation of the rest of the ongoing postseason - citing the ever increasing possibility of a New York Yankees versus the Philadelphia Phillies World Series match up.

"I've been watching the playoffs closely and when I realized last night it was looking like the Yankees and the Phillies might both be heading to the World Series I knew I couldn't let that happen," a dejected looking, bleary-eyed Selig said, while still wearing his pajamas and addressing the media from his front porch. "What a waste of a season that would be, you know?"

Selig said he first considered the idea of cutting the season short when he realized the season of his favorite team, the Milwaukee Brewers, was pretty much a lost cause long before the playoffs began. Then when he saw the Yankees and the Phillies were both doing well in the playoffs he just knew he had to call the season. Right now the Yankees lead the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim 2-0 in the best-of-seven American League Championship Series and the Phillies are tied with the Los Angeles Dodgers at one game apiece in the National League Championship Series.

"I'm sitting there watching the 13-inning game last night where the Yankees beat the Angels and after my ninthish or so shot of Jim Beam, I just looked at the wall and said 'fuck it', you know?" a bedraggled looking Selig said to a confused looking audience of reporters and neighbors. "Who the hell really wants to see either of those teams be crowned anything again? I really think I'm doing America and the world a favor."

He then took no questions and went back inside.

The mysterious and sudden nature of Selig's decision has left the teams who had more games to play confused and angry and has also left the public to come up with their own theories on why he decided to cancel the rest of the postseason.

"Is this a joke?" asked Yankees slugger Derek Jeter, who recently semented his place in Yankees history by surpassing Yankees legend Lou Gehrig in career hand jobs this past September overcumming Gehrig's 2,721 mark earlier this season. "Nobody told me anything, but if the commissioner decided he didn't want to see us in the World Series, I guess I can't blame him. Like all goodhearted people, I've pretty much have hated the Yankees my whole life too, but they've refused to let me out of my contract all these years so I've been stuck."

The decision seemed especially vexing to those associated with the Dodgers organization, as they are tied with the Phillies in the NLCS and felt confident about their chances of making it to the now defunct World Series.

"I can understand Bud not liking the Phillies, I mean nobody really likes the Phillies, but we're not even out of this thing." said Dodgers Manager Joe Torre. "This is bullshit. There has to be more behind this thing than meets the eye. I mean, hell, our series is tied up, you know?"

Torre is not alone in his skepticism of the unexpected announcement. Selig's lack of any sensible or legitimate sounding explanation and sharp refusal to take questions has opened the door for a variety of theories as to why there will be no more baseball this year.

Feminists who had been heralding the historic nature of a possible Yankees-Phillies match up were the most vocal following Selig's announcement. If there was a World Series this year and the Yankees and Phillies had met in it, it would have marked the first time in MLB history that both teams in the World Series were "manned" entirely by female squads.

"Here we had a chance for the first all-female World Series and then out of nowhere the whole postseason is just stopped," said Ellen Etheridge, spokeswoman for the National Organization for Women. "Coincidence? I think not. What I think is that the commissioner sensed that baseball was on the edge of history and he just couldn't stand to see such a grand display of how far women have come in Major League Baseball."

Some Philadelphians believe public safety is more likely behind the decision than sexism, especially ones who saw their city descend into chaos following the Phillies World Series victory last year.

"I know most of Philly is usually pretty much like a terrible combination of 'Mad Max' and "Boyz n the Hood' anyway, but after the Phillies won last year the place really went nuts," said working girl William J. deKlerck, who lives and works in the Center City neighborhood of Philadelphia. "People were setting fire to anything they could find, I think I even saw someone try to light up a fire hydrant."

The sports betting world, which usually sees good times during any sporting playoffs, was hit hard by the decision. It seems to have left just one big winner in the high stakes game of MLB postseason Vegas betting. Sources in the sports betting business say they know of just one person who stands to win, possibly in the millions, as a result of the decision, saying that an anonymous gambler who goes by the mysterious moniker "Sud Belig," took the usually considered too high of a risk bet that the season would mysteriously end in the middle of the ALCS and the NLCS.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Redemption for KFC after the EPIC FAIL that was their new grilled chicken...

Redemption. Kentucky Fried Chicken has redeemed itself following the genital numbing folly that was its “grilled chicken” the only way it possibly could have – through introducing a new product that can one could describe as a mouth orgasm that while arousing your taste buds may at the same time be gently easing your heart to sleep.

Kentucky Fried Chicken, rightfully so, has thrown their bandwagon attempt at a healthy makeover out the window and is currently test marketing a sandwich that is like a silver bullet straight to the heart (in more ways than one) - the Double Down.

It is made up of bacon, two kinds of cheese and a special mystery “colonel’s sauce” that’s delicious and a little tangy… the kicker though is that instead of bread, those ingredients are put between two original recipe boneless fried chicken breasts. You did not misread that. KFC has inched ever closer to the perfect “sandwich.” By removing the bread, which has historically been the flavorless Achilles’ heel of any sandwich, KFC has helped moved man further up the evolutionary ladder. As a bonus, you can easily get a side of gravy for dipping, which just adds to the amazingness.

That's right... I got a side of gravy for dippin',
I went there. I figure it couldn't make it much
worse healthwise anyway, right?

The Double Down is currently in the test marketing stage and only available in Providence, R.I., and Omaha, Neb. Luckily, Providence is a mere few hours away from here in New York…

After the shameful debacle that was the new grilled chicken at KFC, I had to combat the crisis in faith that followed. The Double Down was the sexy, scantily clad angel that came down and woke me up from my crisis with a juicy delicious artery hardening masterpiece… a hot, greasy, juicy angel with cheese, bacon and eleven herbs and spices.

Hopefully, the Double Down will make it out of the test markets and into the KFC’s nationwide… though there are some naysayers who have problems with the Double Down, since it is basically an artery clogging monster of a meal… but nobody’s forcing folks to eat them, right?

The only problems that could foreseeably hinder the nationwide onslaught of Double Downs causing mouth orgasms all around might be that A: They seemed a little too complex for the employees to keep up with making them B: they are extremely hot and burn the fingers (even through the paper thing they come in to hold them) and C: while making them amazing, they chicken breasts are incredibly juicy and tend to squirt scalding juicy goodness in random directions, which can be hazardous.

That being said, hopefully it gets its day and the world can know the tasty bliss that I got to know in Rhode Island this weekend.

Saturday, June 6, 2009

KFC's new grilled chicken? EPIC FAIL

Epic Fail

I tried KFC's new grilled chicken and it is with a heavy heart that I must report the blandness and overall lameness of KFC's newest endeavor. They have spent an exorbitant amount of money promoting this new product, but perhaps they should spent some of that cash giving the new product some flavor.

For whatever reason, as I understood it, I thought the new grilled chicken was supposed to have a taste somewhat similar to and based on the same amazing flavors as the colonel's original recipe - just without a delicious fried skin. Unfortunately the new grilled chicken did not have the amazingly woven tapestry of sometimes even described as "arousing" flavors as original recipe chicken... in fact, it had no flavor. Col. Sanders is probably rolling over in his grave in Louisville. Even if its taste not supposed to have any relation to the 11 herbs and spices, they should have attempted to give it some kind of flavor.

Words can't describe the numbing disappointment at biting into the grilled chicken breast and tasting... nothing. In the flavor department, it was almost like a chicken breast from the supermarket that was casually thrown on a backyard grill with no preparation or even the most minimal thought. I will say it was juicy, which goes in the plus column... but that's about all that can legitimately go in that column... a lonely and shame filled column indeed.

The even greater concern is the rumblings that corporate KFC plans to rebrand the companies image to reflect fried and grilled chicken as on the same footing in an attempt to cater to the yuppie crowd that prefers the flavorless to the delicious...

KF&GC? That sounds like something out of the Book of Revelations if you ask me.

Those who know me best know that I have a profound, even oft considered disturbing, passion for Kentucky Fried Chicken and its lore. That is why it pains me to pan their newest product, especially when they seem to have spent so much time and treasure trying to promote its virtues.

Please, don't make my mistake and indulge in an entire meal's worth of KFC's grilled chicken, lest you be resigned to an incomparable disappointment so profound that you may not even be able to perform in the bedroom for a time due to the extreme sadness that is bound to follow. Yes, the new grilled chicken was such a tremendous emotional let down that I'm implying it could in extreme cases lead to temporary impotence.

Perhaps I'll have to add a tear rolling down the Colonel's face to this piece
of artwork decorating my apartment.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Some real quick random things... (a.k.a. bullets of course)

Some real quick random recent things...

* This morning the subway wasn't running at my stop, so I had to take a bus part of the way, and then catch my train a few stops down. The reason? Apparently my station was on fire. I walked the ramp to see it filled with firefighters and smelling of burning industrial nastiness. I could barely breathe waiting for the elevator up to where the buses were, so that was an interesting start to the day. It actually still smelled faintly of burning rust and garbage when I got home, which is spectacular, right?

* When I did eventually get off the train by the office, some old guy was dressed like a beatnik and singing on the street corner. The catch? He was singing "Like a Prayer" by Madonna, just rocking out with no music or instruments. It was... odd... to say the least.

* The other day, I was passing by Madison Square Garden and I noticed a few more hippies than usual and I thought to myself "hmmm, I wonder if there's like a Grateful Dead concert or something..." Sure enough, when I turned the corner toward the main entrance, I was confronted by first a tremendously powerful whiff of BO followed immediately by the sight of hundreds (if not thousands) of hippies all massing in front of the arena. There was indeed a Grateful Dead concert.

* Sooo, in one of the odder things my mother has said (and that's saying something)... my mom
called me the other day to let me know that she was going to host what she is dubbing an "eHarmony party" for me. Jiggawha?

Apparently, that means she is going to invite over friends and family of mine who still live in Florida and they are going to pool their knowledge about me to create a profile for me to put on eHarmony. I explained to her how eHarmony bases matches on an in depth profile created through answering like hundreds of personal questions about values, experiences and goals... she basically casually said that shouldn't be problem.

She promised they wouldn't start drinking heavily until the questionnaire was over. Well, that's somewhat comforting, I suppose.

Well, never dull moment, right?

Thursday, April 30, 2009

'Maybe it just collapsed on its own'... apparently in this case it did

I don't know if it made the news outside of the city or not (a lot of times it's hard to tell) but a building just up and collapsed this morning in lower Manhattan. It just so happens it was about a block from my office.

In fact, the dozens of fire trucks, police cars and mobile command units that were in the area were between my subway stop and the office on the way to work... and of course were all kinds of in the way, hehe. They had vehicles lining the nearby streets for blocks. Later in the day when I left work, they still had blocked off both the street the building was on and the one behind it to all cars and people.

I'm going to assume a lot of people weren't exactly stunned, since the building was on the same block as the locally famous "Leaning Tower of Broadway," probably less than a couple hundred feet away.
From Flickr (the photostream has some cool shots of the new Mets stadium to boot)

Basically, a while ago they demolished the building next to the "Leaning Tower" and it started easing over (to the South) and they had to put up supports to keep it from falling over. That really builds confidence in the nearby buildings that are of a similar ilk, right? I guess they're worried about the same thing happening near where the other building collapsed and some are reporting that they may have to demolish some of the buildings that were next to the collapsed building for just that reason. Keep in mind a lot of the buildings in the area are designated "historic landmarks," including the one that fell, so that should be interesting...

What's a bummer is there was a pizza place in there that had just opened when the building started leaning over and was condemned... their "Grand Opening" sign is still in the window on the side. That really must have sucked for them...

Who knows, maybe the 59th Street Bridge (also known as the Queensboro Bridge I think) over by the UN building will be next...

  • Hank Scorpio: Good afternoon, gentlemen. This is Scorpio. I have the doomsday device. You have 72 hours to deliver the gold. Or you face the consequences. And to prove I'm not bluffing, watch this... (explosion in the background)
  • UN member #1: Oh, my God! The 59th Street Bridge!
  • UN member #2: Maybe it just collapsed on its own.
  • UN member #1: We can't take that chance.
  • UN member #2: You always say that. I want to take a chance!
  • Hank Scorpio: Collapsed on its own? You sh... You have 72 hours. See ya.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Someone quite literally "got served" on the train the other night....

So the other night I had a long ride home on the subway. It was late enough that the train was running local... and these three teens were on the train practicing their tap dancing in their regular hard-soled shoes.

They were classically trained and likely had been tapping and dancing for years. So they were discussing timing and beat counts and such while tapping, when this big guy halfway down the car starts kind of mocking them.

He sarcastically started slowly step dancing, with the stomping and the clapping while his crew started cracking up. Keep in mind this was a fairly full train, including a group of girls that the tappers are went to school with...

The girls happened to be near the big guy mocking and a couple of the tappers went to go talk to the girls....

Then the jawing started, with trash talk being exchanged and it eventually escalated into the big guy joking that they were just loud and couldn't dance. From where he was on the train, he probably could only hear a bunch of tapping (possibly sounding like clapping).

One of the tappers started yelling things like "Oh hell to the no, do you really want to do this? Do you really want some of this? I don't want to have to take you to school!"

I was cracking up. It was like something out of a cheesy movie.

So the kid keeps yelling and the big guy keeps taunting.

Eventually, the kid was just like "Ohhhhh... I didn'a wanna do this, but you gone and made me do this!" over and over while he literally took off his normal shoes and put on his tap shoes with the metal parts.

He then proceeded to tap his little heart out down the middle of the train, right up to the big guy and then he started tapping just solely on his toes right in front of the guy essentially playing like a revolutionary war fife tune.

The show this kid put on was something like this video (where his style was more like the second tapper in the video)... and it was on a moving subway train!

Then he of course kept talking trash after the train applauded.

"I didn'a wanna do it! I didn'a wanna! I had to to though, you just got busted and you know it! Ohhhhh!"

It was pretty entertaining. I just wish he had actually yelled "you got served"... but oh well. I probably would have laughed until I peed if he actually said that. Either way it was still pretty neat.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Phillies crave Wang, nobody is surprised

PHILADELPHIA -- While the Yankees struggle to figure out what seems to be wrong with their starter Chien-Ming Wang, it seems the Philadelphia Phillies are pushing to make a trade for him as a both clever and disturbing marketing move.

"I know he's been a bit limp out of the starting gate as of late," said Rich Dubee, the Phillies pitching coach. "I just see a lot of potential still in the kid."

Wang, who is now 0-3 on the season with a whopping 34.50 ERA after being rocked like a hurricane by the Cleveland Indians (yes, the Cleveland Indians) in a 22-4 loss, seems like an unlikely choice for any club to be courting but the Phillies seem interested.

"When he's hot, you've never seen a Wang explode like that kid can explode, all over the mound, you know?" Dubee said. "I'm optimistic we can work with Wang on his kinks and get him solid again."

Some are doubtful as to the true reasoning for the Phillies wanting to acquire the young talent.

The Phillies called a press conference to address rumors swirling around the team's odd choice of pitchers to pursue and reporters peppered Phillies Manager Charlie Manuel with questions about various potential reasons for the Phillies powerful desire for Wang.

Some questions hinted the move may be geared toward providing potential depth to a pitching arsenal that, when healthy is formidable, but has in the past suffered from mysterious feminine illnesses.

"Brad Lidge and his Lidginal issues last season have nothing to do with Wang... at least nothing to do with Chien-Ming Wang that is," Manuel said. "We're confident in Wang's health and that he'll pass all of the club's routine exams."

Others seemed to imply the move was a way to boost the morale of the team's lone Asian-born player on the roster, Chan Ho Park of South Korea. Lending credence to this theory was that Park was, oddly enough, at the press conference.

"You seriously think it would make sense to bring a guy in from Taiwan to make me, a South Korean, feel more at home? Yeah, we're all the same, right? Fuck you." Park said. "The team may not have the most internationally sensitive or competent front office, but I'd like to think they're not as dumb as you and your question."

Some, though, don't think the front office has embraced other cultures enough in their hiring practices. That includes the Department of Labor according to a recent report. It turns out the Phillies are actually one Asian and/or Asian-American short of the quota set two years after the league achieved a sporting marketing coup with Ichiro Suzuki's joining the Seattle Mariners in 2001.

"I've said it again and again, leave us the hell alone until you can prove conclusively there is no Chinamen in Chase Utley, got it?" said Manuel. "The Department of Labor guys have nothing on us and can't prove anything."

"Did you just say that?" Park said after Manuel's comment. "Seriously, I'm so out of here. Fucking ridiculous."

However, a little research showed with the Phillies latest sponsor, the move to hire Wang was potentially just a not so family friendly marketing ploy.

"I assure you we came to the decision to pursue Wang with no pressure from upper management," Manuel said. "Just because we are now backed by Cialis has had no impact on our on the field moves. This conference is over!"

Manuel then knocked over his chair and ran out of the room.

Further research showed the team is also in the process of inking sponsorship deals with Trojan condoms, Hustler and the Philadelphia Gay News - all of which hinge on hiring Wang.

With financial pressures making the acquisition almost a certainty, the remaining question is will Wang be able to perform.

He has repeatedly insisted there is nothing wrong with him and after each failed start has said it "was the first time, I swear! This has never happened before."

He was also not interested in talking about his performance issues.

"Get out of my way you serf," an angry Wang said on his way out of the posh new Yankee Stadium after the recent loss to Cleveland. "I'm fine, one... two or three slightly rough starts in a row aren't indicative of a serious problem. I'm still all man."

However, citizens of the city and state of New York, the Indians, the Yankees players, staff and management, blind little girls and most everybody else aware of his situation begs to differ.

"I'm embarrassed for him right now, really," said disgraced former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer, who was brought down when his involvement in a prostitution ring became public.

P.S. Just a friendly reminder that this "story" is totally made up and is just a goofy satire, kind of like Onion stories. Have a good one.

Remember that lame club across the street from my apartment?

So the supremely cool night club across from my apartment is apparently upsetting the neighbors or something.

The door to get in my building had a notice on it saying some night this week the community board will be having a meeting to discuss the complaints made against the club and what course of action to take. Though I'm sure it would be entertaining, I don't think I'll be able to make it.... bummer.

I guess being the lamest place in the city might actually be against the law. Who knew?

So I spent a little while in Minnesota...

So recently (I know I'm uberslow) for work I spent a couple weeks in St. Paul Minn., which of course means really one crucial thing. You guessed it, that means I had to go through Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport, the scene of Sen. Larry Craig's (R-Idaho) awesome, awesome bathroom shame.

Being the classy citizen that I am, I made a point to check this historical spot out. I quickly learned that while there are lots of pictures and some videos online dedicated to this particular potty pilgrimage, there really weren't any explicit maps for the someone who might not be familiar with the airport and might not have a lot of spare time. So... I made one with some hopefully helpful visuals.

At full size, this map is 8.5 by 11 inches, so it is perfect for
printing and carrying around the airport, though I
think I got a couple odd looks, but whatever.

Both times I wandered into the bathroom, the stall in question was in use. Oh well, I wouldn't want to accidentally send some mysterious signal from there anyway. Though I should add that the bathroom as a whole, was filthy. Every toilet there was in need of flushing... gross.

Saturday, February 28, 2009

I headed toward Rockaway/Canarsie on the L on purpose this time...

So Friday night I went to an all-night party in this massive loft apartment in the Bushwick part of Brooklyn, which is a little ways out in the east via my old friend the L Train - toward Canarsie and Rockaway.

It was a lot of fun and when I left the sun was out and they were still going strong, but it was also one of the weirdest parties I've ever been to. I was definitely sort of an oddball out for a couple of reasons at least. First of all, I'm a gentile, hehe. As I would meet more people, a lot of them were actually from Israel, which was interesting. Also, I wasn't smoking anything there.

There was actually a decent sized open floor area where folks were dancing and doing whatever. At first the music was sort of slowed down, euro techno club music... until some of the guys busted out their instruments and starting playing - one had a fiddle, one had a banjo and the other had one of those large double basses you stand up on the ground. They basically turned the thing into a big drunken hoe down, which was hilarious and fun.

They played plenty of simple songs that everyone could sing along with and dance to and it was great.

It was definitely a little different than the Ham Festival in Cadiz, Ky., especially since I remember when I lived in the larger-than-Cadiz Hopkinsville, Ky., one of my coworkers casually mentioned in passing that while Hoptown didn't have a mosque, they at least at some point used to have a synagogue.

I also don't think they often lift folks up on chairs in Cadiz parties, like at Jewish weddings. Last night people were regularly lifted up on a chair and hoisted up and down and spun around... during both the "O Brother Where Art Thou"esque songs and the slowed down euro techno.

You might ask, wouldn't this be dangerous at an all night drunken party where some of the guests are also clearly enjoying more than just alcohol? You'd be right. After one solid face plant the chair pretty much stayed on the ground for the rest of the night.

Also interesting was around 5 in the morning someone brought out some incense and then some chanting and other odd stuff commenced, but it was all in good fun.

All in all it was definitely one of the weirder nights I've had in the city, but it was definitely a lot of fun and all the people were great and friendly as could be.

Oh yeah, I'm also going back to Texas again for a real quick Ike-related trip for the beginning of this week. It should be interesting. I'll be back to the city by Tuesday night.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

I'm alive... I swear

Well, I know it's been like forever, but I am alive, hehe.

I've been keeping crazy busy lately (so busy I haven't really been able to blog much in fact, as you might have been able to tell...). So, here's some quick bullets, and yes I'm aware that I'll likely be skipping tons and tons of stuff.

* I spent a week in LA for a conference, which was a lot of fun. I got to hang out with an old roommate from college and see all the important spots, like the Rainbow Room and the Whiskey A Go Go and other great '80s metal hot spots. We also went to a Lakers game, where I managed not to get beat up even though I wasn't rooting for the Gay-kers at all during their double-overtime loss to the cellar-dweller Bobcats. We also did the touristy Hollywood things, like seeing some of the more important stars on the walk of stars...

And they have a mini-handprint place in front of a guitar shop on Sunset Strip with metal band handprints which was really cool (Iron Maiden's is pictured above, including Eddie!).

Sidenote on the LA subway... WTF. I know I'm spoiled with the NYC subway being 24 hours and tons and tons of stops all over, but the LA one was interesting. It closed really early, like 1ish, maybe 1:30... right before the bars close. It's also more of a commuter system it seems, for connecting suburbs to middle parts of the city. So the stations were all very, very spread out. LA was definitely not a walkable city, though that wasn't much of a surprise.

Also, the system is on an honor system... seriously. It's a $1.25 per ticket and you get it from the vending machine and keep it on you. You have to have it on you in case they check for tickets... I never saw a ticket checker the whole week. In fact, I was talking to a local who said he's been riding for years and has never been asked for a ticket and stopped by them two years ago.

Why ever is California is even worse off than a lot of other places budgetwise?... and LA might have to close down one of it's main jails freeing thousands of inmates... spectacular.

* We had a housewarming party take 2, which was a lot of fun. A handful of people did come and it was a fun night of drinking games and such.

* NYU recently hosted the saddest example of student activism the world may have ever seen. Some random students decided to occupy one of the food courts in one of the NYU buildings (as opposed to like the administration building like is normally the case) and started making random demands ranging from more budget transparency to off the wall demands related to the fashionable issue de jure - the Gaza Strip.

It was pretty fun to follow the "occupation" online.

My favorite part was when they started getting hungry because they apparently didn't plan ahead and the administration actually offered them food, but they wouldn't accept it unless it was vegan... then the administration agreed and then they wouldn't accept it because they were morally opposed to Aramark. Of course, they eventually did cave, on the food and overall.

After a couple days the admin turned off their free internet and a lot of people left. Then they went in and basically came in and kicked everyone out. The whole thing was hilarious, and the comments on the sites made it even better.

* I've started following, which is a hilarious collection of pictures of people failing. Just check it out, which will be better than me trying to explain it further. Here's a couple fun examples...

fail owned pwned pictures
see more pwn and owned pictures

fail owned pwned pictures
see more pwn and owned pictures

fail owned pwned pictures
see more pwn and owned pictures

* I absolutely love the Metropolitan Museum of Art and try to swing by there whenever I can. Last time I was there, I even got to overhear something to add to Overheard in New York around the medieval art:

Girlfriend: Spanish art is weird.
Boyfriend: Yeah.
Girlfriend: Those were some macabre motherfuckers.
Boyfriend: Yeah.

It hasn't made it on the site yet, but we'll see...

* I just found a little tandoori place by work with cheap "samosas," which I'd never heard of before. They were absolutely delicious and I'll be back. Looks like the dumpling folks might have some competition... especially since I found out my coworkers don't like the smell of the dumplings. Hopefully they'll prefer the smell of Indian food, hmmm... I guess we'll see.

It was so good I think I need to check out the Murray Hill neighborhood in Manhattan, which is apparently filled with Indian folk and often referred to as Curry Hill, which sounds delicious to me.

* It's freaking cold. I think I'm actually starting to get a little sick... hence me being in on Fat Tuesday :( I don't want to push my luck and try to nip this in the bud.

* So last night at Revival we got to see a real live hobbit! Frodo Baggins was rocking it with his posse... Elijah Wood popped in with some friends and chilled for a while, which was kind of random and kind of neat.

So, I'm actually keeping pretty busy causing trouble around here, but I'll try to post a little more often than every other month or so. G'night!

Friday, January 9, 2009

It's been a real long while so here are some post-Christmas bullets

Well, as per usual, I've been a lazy bum when it comes to posting.

I spent two awesome weeks in Florida and have been back in the city for a week now... which means it's time for bullets! Hooray...

* Florida was a blast. I got to see a lot of family and friends and do a lot of catching up... and I got some good D-Rays stuff to bring back to the city.

* Myself, my brother/sister, Lisa and Emacy played the third annual Hangover Cup (our traditional New Year's Day golf tournament.) Sadly, my brother won... because she's been taking lessons! That's so not fair and we're considering officially disqualifying him/her in the future so we'll see what happens with that.

I would have come in second, except I had a Phil Mickelsonesque collapse on the last hole that turned a four into a 9 giving Emacy a one stroke lead over me at the end of the day. I was like 20 feet from the green (it was on a little hill) and for whatever reason it took me like four tries with my wedge to get onto the green. It was fugly and I think Emacy may have peed himself he was laughing so hard.

Lisa came in fourth, despite being tied for the lead after the front nine with like a 63... he shot like a 78 on the back nine, we're all still a little confused...

* I'm officially addicted to "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia." I watched copious amounts with Emacy down in Florida and I've been watching it kind of non-stop since.

Here's a few fun clips...

When the gang makes a band and is a little weirded out by Charlie's lyrics:

Sweet Dee's trip to the shoe store:

Some of the fun from when the gang has to coach basketball as community service:


* It was in the 70's and 80's for most of the time while I was there... It was actually like 85 degrees when I flew out of Tampa. New York, however, was in the 40's. My coworker told me that on Thursday it may go below zero here (for the first time here since 1994...)

* I'm also addicted to a weird little MC Frontalot song I heard when I was hanging out with a friend at NYU after I got back...

The same day I heard that song we went to Brooklyn to see this free variety/comedy show which was pretty fun. The funniest part was the last comedian, Baron Vaughn.

Here's a random clip from a different show of his...

* After the show, we wandered over the the Trash Bar, with the free tater tots... which is always awesome.

* The other night I headed over to Revival and learned that science can be fun. One of the regulars taught everyone how to shotgun beer straight from the bottle in seconds. The trick is to stick a straw in with a bend at the end, and to seal your lips around the mouth of the bottle and have the end of the straw sticking out. Then as you chug, the air that goes into the straw and pushes the beer out allowing you to drink the whole bottle in about two or three seconds once you get good. So that made for an interesting evening to say the least. He said he learned it from some homeless drug addict, which tells me it might not be something to make a habit of, hmm...

* So last night I went with my roommate to a fancy night club in midtown near Times Square called Opera. A friend of hers got us on the VIP list so we skipped the line and didn't pay the cover, which was cool. Though we didn't wait in line, we still had to empty the pockets and get full pat down once inside, seriously full. I was thinking the guy owed me at least breakfast or something after he was finished. As for the free cover, the money saved went straight to the drinks though... $11 cocktails plus an automatic $2.50 tip on top = ouch at the end of the night, seriously. The people we met there were cool and I even got to shake my groove thing for a while on the floor.

I didn't spend the whole night on the dance floor though because I didn't want to show up the other dudes in the club and make them jealous, especially when I was doing the Margaret Thatcher a la MC Frontalot.

Oddly enough I didn't bump into a group of girls there like these ones from Sunny...

* Also, it snowed about half a foot yesterday, so that's fun.

I'm sure I missed a lot of things because I'm a bad person, but that should essentially catch things up since I'm so awful about updating.

P.S. Happy New Year!