Not-so-open house and some fun museums...

So... anyone want to guess how many neighbors came to the open house?

I'll give you a hint... zero. Yes, zero, which is kind of weak, but what are you going to do?

Lisa and I had a blast anyway. Also, an old friend from high school who is going to Columbia now came by and we basically all just hang out and drank all night... it was tons of fun.

Some highlights from the evening include:

* repairing the Atari and rocking some insane Warlords and Combat action
* calling my friend in Colorado and asking him to pretend he was Meatloaf on speaker phone to help me win some sort of bet... he was pretty darned confused
* Watched Captain EO, of course (Part 1 on YouTube, Part 2 on YouTube)
* Rocked to the soundtracks from both Dirty Dancing and Footloose

Those are just a few of the random highlights from the well-behaved evening that lacked debauchery of all kinds. I swear it.

After waking up Sunday, none to early I assure you, Lisa and I walked to The Cloisters which is right near my apartment.

Put simply, it is a museum focused on medieval art... but the twist is that the museum itself is built from parts of monasteries torn down in France (and I think one in Austria too). Yup, J.D. Rockefeller Jr. was just plain rich enough that in the '30s he was able to afford to tear down precious history in France, ship it to Manhattan, harvest his favorite parts and have his own monastery built.

It gave me a special sense of pride to know that the museum I was enjoying in my neighborhood was built at the expense of history elsewhere.

Also, many of the sculptures and statues are missing arms and forearms, like the "Figure of a King" below. All I could think of when I saw each one was "they could rectify the situation with some chainsaws, a la Ash in Army of Darkness. Word?...


"Say hello to the twenty-first century!"

I bet if that king had chainsaws for arms, nobody would give him crap for being a cheapskate and bringing Myrrh anymore... nobody would mess with him at all.

Maybe they could put him at the entrance of the museum to scare people into donating more money on the way in. The admission is a "suggested" donation of $20... but thats of course suggested, right? As we were paying, a guy tried to walk in without a donation and he was accosted by the guards who curtly explained that he had better pay some sort of donation or go back from whence he came.

So after the Cloisters, we went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art, where they're doing this crazy special exhibition - Superheroes: Fashion and Fantasy. It was pretty strange to say the least. They took classic superheroes, like Spider-Man, Wonder Woman, The Incredible Hulk, etc... and had crazy designers make outfits "inspired" by each hero. You know, the kind of designer clothes that nobody could ever possibly wear... at least not since the '80s.

This stuff was just off the wall... but it was vaguely entertaining and pretty funny to stroll through the exhibit. Plus, they did have some original costumes on display too, like a Batman costume from The Dark Knight and a Spider-Man costume from the recent movies.

They didn't allow pictures at all (the guards seemed angry to be there), so these are taken from around the Internet.

Spidey's outfits were some of the less ridiculous of the bunch.

These are a couple of the outfits "inspired" by Wonder Woman's costume (the Lynda Carter one from the '70s). In case you were wondering, yes - those are indeed Coke cans on tops of the heads. I actually burst out laughing when I saw these ones. I shouldn't be allowed in some museums.

Iron Man was another who got the fashion treatment. I swear, apparently all of these outfits were worn by models on the runway at some point... weird.

Imagine wearing this Batman-inspired gem to a job interview... or maybe the airport?...

Who needs hands anyway, right?

This Hulk-inspired mess would turn some heads...

Apparently Hulk symbolizes masculinity in its purest form, so the designer figured he would add a big protruding penis to the outfit. I might try this one on a casual Friday at the office.
If you follow this link and look around, you can actually click on the comic book covers and look at a whole lot more of the crazy outfits.

"Reading totally sucks ass" - Officer Barbrady

So, though I joked about being an avid non-reader, I actually tore through a book this week that was great... until about the last 75 pages. It was called With a Tangled Skein.


It's part of a series, and I read another book in the series, On a Pale Horse, and it was great. So that's why I picked up this one... and it was great too, until I got toward the end. Then it started sucking like a Dyson. Once it started sucking, it just kept sucking all the way to the end... I swear, it "never lost suction."

Those last pages were literally painful to finish, but I figured I had read the first 300 or so pages and they were enjoyable so I'd see it through to the end and maybe the very end would be good. Wrong.

The end involved a stupid maze of puzzles that were either really easy to figure out (thus making the ten pages it took the heroine to "figure it out" painful) or they were just so dumb they weren't worth pondering.

This puzzle maze went on until the very end. I just kept reading and seeing there were less and less pages and then BAM! It was over. The solution to the whole book was the simplest, dumbest thing. I thought of the solution pretty much as soon as the problem was presented, as anyone over three (except apparently the heroine) would figure it out pretty quickly.

I swear to God. Ridiculous.

Since I doubt any of you will read the book, I'll oversimplify the plot and spoil it...

The main character is the Incarnate Fate (made up of three people)... who, along with several other powers, can ultimately cause people to die if they want, because they determine fates.

Long story short, Satan has rigged the Senate and filled certain Senate seats with people who will do his bidding and prevent the right, good people, from getting their seats in the future.

So Fate is stumped, for about 100 pages, on how to fix the problem and get some of the stacked Senators out of the Senate and set the world's fate right.

So about 25 pages lead up to the puzzle maze, and then the main character goes through this massive 75 pages of stupid puzzle maze to find the answer...

Any ideas? Bueller? Bueller?

Put overly simply, at the end the heroine is like "Oh yeah, Fate can determine the Senator fates and ultimately cut them short, thus getting rid of them."

I just about shat myself. I was so pissed. The first 300ish pages were great. Heck, I tore through the book in four days, which is crazy for me... but the end that I read today just hurt my brain and made me begin to question the value of the written word.

When I finished it, I couldn't help but think of Officer Barbrady's speech from the South Park episode where he learns to read. He was tricked into learning to read by a crazy bookmobile driver who was having sex with chickens and leaving clues that forced Barbrady to learn to read in order to catch him... brilliant.

They hold a parade to celebrate his learning to read and this is part of his speech to the crowd...

Officer Barbrady: "Well, first of all I'd like to thank the town of South Park, the town that borne me and eventually will rob me of my life precious.

Second, I'd like to say to all those out there who think they can screw chickens just to teach people to read... Your days are numbered!!!

And finally, I'd like to say that READING TOTALLY SUCKS ASS!!"

That scene played through my head in loop once I put the book down in disgust.

The bookmobile driver had given him the breezy read that is Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand... which led to his rage against reading.

Side note: Apparently an Atlas Shrugged movie is in the works and may star Angelina Jolie... weird.

This whole book reading experience has left me a bit jaded. I think it's time to go back to reading the Post on my subway ride to and from work again. Books and me are not friends at the moment. Seriously.

Besides, I almost feel like I'm cheating on my newspaper guy in the morning. He stands outside the train station entrance with stacks of papers every morning and for a while I would like clockwork pick up a Post every morning. Since I started reading the book though, I've walked by, novel in hand, and just tried not to make eye contact.

Anywho... it's T-minus one day until my open house... we'll see if anyone shows. I met some nice people in the elevator who seemed nice and vaguely interested in coming. They may swing by. Who knows. No matter what, it should be an interesting evening. We'll see...

Follow up: The bronze bull is back at Bloomingdale, and apparently it was indeed some very stupid kids. It sounds like they were probably from Brandon high, so it makes sense that they're stupid I suppose.

Other follow-up: I think I'll stop checking...I'm fairly certain Sue Bird rejected my friend request on MySpace :(

That's ice cold... and I maintain it's also not a great way to help build a fan base for the WNBA. Despite the hurt, I think I'll still try to go see Bill Laimbeer when his team comes to Madison Square Garden. I'll soldier, somehow.

Open House, Bollywood, knocked up and well-hung bulls?

So... it's not looking like the open house this Saturday will be in too much danger of being overcrowded to say the least. Oh well, I can't say I'm too surprised though.

I went door to door and knocked on the doors on my floor, the floor above me and the floor below me... which people have told me I'm crazy for doing, but oh well. "You can't do that in New York," "It's not a dorm," and similar assertions have come up in conversation, often.

I'm pretty sure most people thought I was trying to sell them something (possibly wacky weed?) and ignored me. The very few people who did answer the door were actually pretty nice, but most said they probably wouldn't be able to come by.

The realtor in the leasing office said she might swing by... but she likely has to at least say that as part of her job description. (That's right, I mentioned it to her when I paid my rent.)

There were a couple of people who seemed pretty cool and sounded like they may swing by... so we'll see.

One person asked if I was the apartment who's always throwing parties on our floor... so that means I'll definitely have to find that apartment at some point.

Either way it will be fun. Lisa will be here, and a few other people I happen to know in the city may swing by, so no matter what we'll have a good time breaking in the apartment...

Much to the chagrin of my future-cop friend, I left a little mini-flier on my floor (which has about six rooms)... he thinks I'm going to get killed. I guess if he's right, I owe him a coke.

Also, I forgot to write in my last post about a debate from this past not-so-sobertastic weekend... How many people have really read Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen?

My buddy from Philly, we'll call him, ummm... either Filly or Thanatos (I'll let him decide), says that everybody has read the book. I told him he was crazy, since the book is old and smelly. Plus, I noted that I hadn't read the book, but apparently I don't fall into the "everybody" category since I'm either too cool or I'm an avid non-reader... something like that.

So I decided to punch a hole is in feeble theory through an impromptu drunken text-message survey... I won and now he totally owes me a KFC dinner. Mmmm...

Though, out of curiosity, I'm going to put a poll here and see if more than just one in a million people have actually read the entire book. Remember, watching the movie doesn't count - not even the Bollywood version - which, of course, is a musical in case you didn't know.

That's the only version I've ever seen, not entirely of my own will. Though it is where I found my absolute favorite Bollywood song ever!



This song is actually on my iTunes and frequently appears on my iPod... it's just so fun to sing along with the refrain. I'll have to put learning the dance they do onto my "to-do list."

So also, my friend from Alabama totally got knocked up... but it was by her husband of several years, so it's not too off-the-wall I suppose.

They're starting to get a nursery ready, and I suggested they consider a mural similar to the one they painted in Carla and Turk's nursery on Scrubs...



Anywho, they are both great and I'm totally happy for them. They even started a blog, which I've added to my "blogroll" to the right.

File this one under totally random... apparently the high school I went to spent $8,000 to put a giant, anatomically-correct (read: well hung) bronze bull in front of the school a while ago, and apparently someone just bajanked it.

Sidenote: I've always used the term "bajank" as a synonym for stealing... but according to www.UrbanDictionary.com, its definition is "The act of intercourse with a girl who is loose, and odorous." I guess we all learn something new everyday. I like how for the word "bajanked" to be appropriate, the girl in question needs to have been "odorous." I guess that's to prevent any confusion.

So, back to the bull, they're saying it could have either been pranksters from another school, or scrappers looking to make money by junking the bronze.

Sadly, I'd bet a KFC dinner that ish is headed for a scrapyard, if it's not already at one.

Well, whether folks show up or not, the apartment is really starting to look clean and orderly. I've got most everything put away somewhere... except for about 25 or 30 bottles of booze I still haven't found a home for. Too much booze? Crazy talk! I'll figure somewhere out, even if I have to arrange them on the floor stylishly lined up against the wall of the living room or something. I'll figure it out.

I think I'm going to throw an apartmentwarming party next weekend

Nothing too exciting today... but I did decide that I'm going to throw an apartmentwarming party/open house next Saturday.

That totally means I'll technically beat my brother and his wife who moved into their house in January and haven't had one yet. Ha!

I figure I'll extend invitations to the various people I already happen to know in the city, my coworkers and all the people in my building and see what happens.

This way I have a sort of artificial deadline to finish setting up my apartment... and since I find myself being lazier and lazier when I get home every day, I think I really need the deadline.

The apartment is slowly but surely coming together though... I've got the kitchen in usable order now, which is exciting. There are still lots of things to finish before it's "ready to show" though.

Who knows... maybe I'll have curtains on most of the windows by then. So far, I've just done the kitchen. And maybe I'll have an A/C unit by then... if people actually do show up it could get pretty hot in here... but that's only if people stop by of course.

Oh yeah, this was kind of neat... I guess I didn't look completely clueless on the subway on the way home today, which is pretty cool. Throughout the ride a couple of people asked me if I knew what stop the train was at... which is pretty normal... but then a couple asked me how to get to Yankee Stadium from the A line (much to their surprise, it is not on the A line).

Now that I think of it... I hope they didn't think I was a Yankees fan... ewww. Either way, I behaved and didn't make any "vag-ankees" comments (I'm pretty sure they were tourists).

The best part... I actually knew the answer! I even checked the directions I gave them when I got home and they were right. I even knew the name of the train they needed to transfer to and which station they had to transfer at (lucky for them, it was the station we had just passed).

I wonder how pissed would they have been if I sent them to Shea Stadium? The Mets are actually playing there tonight, so that would have made it even more interesting... but that would of course be so wrong of me... and I like to think I'm not a bad person. At least that's what I tell myself.

Someday I'll actually know my way around this damn city and won't get lost every day.

I'm making steady progress. Heck, I didn't make a single wrong turn going from the subway to K-Mart and back today (about two blocks each way... but a victory is a victory). Those of you who know how awful my sense of direction is know that really is kind of a big deal for me.

I'm the guy who still needs directions home from the drunks when he's the DD.

Also, I added a little thing on the right of the page that should show the current front page of the New York Post (if it works right, which is questionable). Their front pages are usually pretty entertaining. They can be hit or miss though... but there are definitely some hilarious ones.

Anywho... back to working on the apartment!